Style Invitational Week 1338: Picture this Another Bob Staake cartoon caption contest. Plus our Mueller report ‘findings.’ (Cartoons by Bob Staake for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers Pat Myers Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003 Email // Bio // Follow // June 27 (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning phrases made from combining words in the Mueller report) Yet again, as we have twice or more each year since 1994, we offer a set of inscrutable cartoons by Bigger Shot Than Ever Bob Staake, and ask you to scrut them. *This week: Supply a caption for one or more of the cartoons above. * As always, a number of people will come up with the same general idea, so the funniest descriptions or dialogue is going to get the ink. Submit entries at *wapo.st/enter-invite-1338 * (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Lose Cannon, * our Style Invitational trophy. Our second prize this week is intended to address the lamentable gender imbalance in Invite ink: Over the years, entries by XYish individuals have outscored XXies 2 to 1. Sometimes the Empress is accused of discriminating against women, which is nuts because (a) she doesn’t see entrants’ names when she’s judging and (b) WHAT? So perhaps it is because the Invitational’s prizes don’t attract the little ladies, which is why this week we offer a booklet called *“Weber’s Girls’ Guide to Grilling.”* The cover features a photo of an attractive young woman picking up a piece of grilled meat with tongs all by herself, while a lovely friend in a stretch tank top and holding a glass of wine aahs in fascination. The inside pages feature cute daisy pictures along with descriptions of gas grills followed by “See, it’s not that complicated, is it?” This relic from the grill company, donated by Loser Daphne Steinberg, dates all the way back to . . . 2005. Have at it, girlies! *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Too-Weak Notice” or “Certificate of (de)Merit.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, July 8; *results published July 28 in print, July 25 online. See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline “Wit Hunt” is by Jesse Frankovich; Bill Dorner wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. **The Style *Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses the week’s new contest and results. Check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *WIT HUNT!! OUR MUELLER REPORT FINDINGS FROM WEEK 1334* In* Week 1334 *we provided you some links to the full (minus redactions) Mueller report investigating Russian interference in the 2016 election and whether certain American someones had a hand in it. And we asked you to link any two words from anywhere in the report. We didn’t hear from as many Losers as usual this week; Marli Melton added a note that “I got so fascinated & horrified by the report itself that I had a hard time getting around to any entries.” 4th place: *Hoax Hicks: *The president’s former Miscommunications Director. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) Yes, little ladies, even you can learn to cook meat. This week's second prize. 3rd place: *Decision-balancing: *I prefer not to use the term “procrastination.” (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.) 2nd place and thetrio of googly-eyed windup chattering teeth : *Coal comfort: *Thoughts and prayers for black-lung victims. — A. Wheeler (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.) And the winner of the Lose Cannon: *Trump-tweet: *To make a wrong story short. (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.) Muellarity ensues: Honorable mentions *Ally-oops: *Foreign Service slang for the president’s blunders at NATO meetings. (Chris Doyle) *Alabama baby:* A zygote. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) *All-hands Love:* Safe sex. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.) *Attachment expert:* Staple genius. (Kevin Dopart, Washington) *Brown collar:* An exceptionally enthusiastic sycophant. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) *Catherine Okay: *The Russian empress’s less accomplished daughter. (Duncan Stevens) *Constitutional options:* All those articles and amendments. — D.J.T. (Kevin Dopart) *Dated dirt:* Gossip that’s past its tell-by time (on Twitter, 12 hours) (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.) *Exploratory fabrication:* “Dad, what if we said we just talked about Russian orphans again?” (Frank Osen) *Factual report:* FAKE NEWS FROM THE FAILING MEDIA (Roy Ashley, Washington) *Giuliani assertion*: A pronouncement made with toe firmly in cheek. (Kevin Dopart) *Hannity probe:* The Fox host investigates all the ways President Trump is the greatest. (Frank Mann, Washington) *Investigative intercourse:* Tryst but verify. (Kevin Dopart) *KGB lunch:* “Have your peephole call my peephole.” (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) *Mnuchin-land:* A mythical country paved with gold bricks and landscaped with hedge funds. (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) *Moniker leaks: * What’s happening in the brain area that stores the names of everyone I know. (Marli Melton, Carmel Valley, Calif.) *More-on:* Someone who doesn’t disrobe at a nudist colony. (Chris Doyle) *Oligarch-crazy:* Totally into totalitarians; MAGAGA. (Kevin Dopart) *Poke-eon:* How much time my kid has spent on that app. (Sam Mertens, Washington) *Possible fire:* Though there’s definitely a dumpster. (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.) *Questionable translation:* He said Xi said. (Beverley Sharp) *Redaction figure:* A plastic William Barr doll. Comes with a black Sharpie that actually redacts! (Bill Dorner, Indianapolis) *Scott obstruction:* Malady of the low-flow toilets. (Dave Prevar) *Ship covers:* Tarps that keep a naval vessel out of sight when the president’s out of his mind. (Steve Smith) *Sit, Deliver: *In this film, a math teacher returns to East L.A. 50 years later. (Duncan Stevens) *Sociopath Santa:* Who got our 8-year-old son a drum set? (Luke Baker, Columbia, Md.) *Stone Hannity: *Maddow bucket list item. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.) *Tennessee Twitter: *A postcard. (Rick Haynes, Ocean City, Md.) *Tool-holder:* The driver’s seat of a BMW. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) *Troll-house:* Cookies you should avoid unless you’re a WORTHLESS PHILISTINE with NO TASTE who should be SHOT. (Duncan Stevens) *Unclear warfare: *“The president just told us we’re bombing Nambia! Wait, hang on.” (Duncan Stevens) *Unlikely infomercial:* Ronco Spray-On Armpit Hair. (Jesse Frankovich) *Post Magnitsky: *Newspaper’s puny prize for putting on capitalist refrigeratorsky. (Chuck Helwig, Centreville, Va.) *Express dumping: *What the Empress seems to do with most of my brilliant entries. (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.) *Inapplicable-Inappropriate-Not-Reading-Or-Listening-To-The-Instructions-Invite-Troll-Entry: *Deliberately failing to follow the rules in the hopes that the Empress will give you ink for being cute. (Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.) *Still running — deadline Monday night, July 1: our contest for jokes with anagrams in the punchline. See wapo.st/invite1337 . * *DON’T MISS AN INVITE! * Sign up here to receive a once-a-week email from the Empress as soon as The Style Invitational and Style Conversational go online every Thursday, complete with links to the columns.